The monster inside their head
Everyone has heard of a child who believes a monster lives under the bed. Of course, the true monster is the voice inside his/her head which supplies this idea. The child has never seen the monster under the bed, s/he may even know that it is unlikely such a thing exists. However, they are still scared. Lets fast forward ten years, now that teenager is scared of trying out for the sport’s team, going to school, being rejected by friends, etc. Their fear is real even if they have no “real” reason to feel this way. That’s the thing about fear and anxiety, it doesn’t always have to be based on a person’s reality. It isn’t always logical, which can make it feel especially hard to battle (do you remember arguing with a three year old?). In addition, left alone, that voice can grow stronger and louder. So, how do we help teens with these monsters in their heads which chip away at their confidence, willingness to try new things, and cope with actual real life negative experiences?
Many therapists use a form of evidence-based therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I wrote “evidence-based” because multiple studies have been completed to analyze whether CBT is effective, and it is (sources cited below). One purpose of CBT is to help people change their thoughts which in turn will change their behavior. This can be done by examining negative self-talk, changing it to a positive voice, and implementing behavior modification techniques, such as relaxation and mindfulness.
Parents may have a much more difficult time helping their children through this process. Many teenagers start to filter what their parents say to them, and/or may not fully believe what is said (e.g. “she loves me so of course she is going to say I’m pretty”). I always recommend to parents that they have a trusted adult in their life (an aunt, uncle, family friend, etc.) reach out and try connecting with their teen. Maybe an aunt and niece can have a standing girls’ day every month; maybe an uncle and nephew can meet every other week to play ball at the park. The purpose is to get kids talking to someone mom and dad trust, who will honor the child’s privacy but alert mom and dad to anything discussed that is alarming. Remember, the monster inside their head becomes powerful when left unchallenged. Helping your teenager find someone they can talk to when upset is one of the greatest gifts we can give.
If you ever have any questions about therapy, the process or need a referral, please reach out. I’m passionate about providing education and support!
Butler, A.C., Chapman, J.E., Forman, E.M., & Beck, A.T. (2006). The empirical status of cognitive-behavioral therapy: A review of meta-analyses. Clinical Psychology Review, 26(1), 17-31.
Leahy, Robert. (2011). Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: Proven Effectiveness. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-files/201111/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-proven-effectiveness
Tolin, D.F., Is cognitive-behavioral therapy more effective
than other therapies? meta-analytic review, Clinical Psychology Review (2010)