Helping teens recognize toxic relationships

Step one: learn the difference between poor judgment and patterns of indifference and/or malicious intent. We all make mistakes and sometimes a consequence of those mistakes is hurting another person’s feelings.  Once we are made aware of how our actions negatively impact our friends, do we defend or do we apologize? Friends apologize; they accept they unintentionally hurt their friend and want to make it right. People who aren’t true friends: defend, place blame on the offended, and minimize. Teens will change friend groups, lose friends and make friends so it is incredibly important they recognize healthy vs unhealthy relationships. 

Here are some signs that your friend group is unhealthy for your mental health:

· You go back and forth wondering if they like you

· You never know if you will be included or not

· Genuine, calm talks about your feelings leave you feeling on the defensive

· People act like nothing has changed but their behavior definitely has

Here are some signs that a friendship is healthy:

· You don’t stress over your relationship, maybe a single behavior but not the relationship

· You feel good about yourself when you are around the other person

· You can disagree without losing the relationship

· You respect the other person and how they treat people, including you

I recently read a quote from psychologist Dr. Jaime Zuckerman in which she wrote, “I will teach my daughter how to love but more importantly, how to stop. They never teach you how to stop”. This sentiment is important; when people exhibit a pattern of hurtful behavior, we need to learn how to walk away. It may be painful, we may grieve that relationship, there may be some anger that someone we once liked isn’t treating us well and all those feelings and emotions are okay.  But there is power in setting boundaries and remembering how you are treated by others does not mean that’s how you deserve to be treated. 

I encourage parents to discuss respect, boundaries, and signs that tell us it is time to walk away from an unhealthy relationship. Remember, everyone makes mistakes but life is too short for relationships which make us engage in frequent self-doubt and feeling excluded. There are approximately 7.8 billion people in the world, your child will find happy, kind hearted, and emotionally healthy friends. 

If you ever have any questions about therapy, the process, or need a referral, please reach out. I’m passionate about providing education and support!