When to call for help
I decided to make this my initial blog topic, as it is usually the point at which a therapist may first become involved in your family’s life. However, I know the sleepless nights, anxiety over your child's well-being, frustration at lack of communication, and search for answers may have started way before this point. Parenting is often about finding and exerting balance: discipline that is neither too strict or too soft, eating habits that are healthy but don’t veer into obsessive, and guidance that pushes our kids to achieve without pushing them too far. Through all of this it is important to know when waiting and watching is okay and when you need to seek out help.
Thinking about seeking help for emotional or behavioral problems in adolescents can be quite daunting. You may ask yourself, “what is ‘normal’ teenager behavior and what is problematic?”. First, all developmentally appropriate behavior may still seem overwhelming. For example, adolescents will often argue for the sake of arguing (they are really exercising their new reasoning abilities), jump to conclusions (i.e. see the world in black and white), be self-centered, switch peer groups, and appear overly dramatic. These expected, though exhausting, behaviors can be just the start. Your teenager may also be hanging with a negative peer group, disengaging from activities that were once important to him/her, using alcohol or other drugs, or even engaging in self-harm behaviors.
No matter what is happening in your child’s life, I am a big advocate of talk therapy for teenagers. Here are two reasons why:
1.Most of us are not born with innate, positive coping skills; they are something we learn along the way. Mentally, teenagers are usually starting to separate from their parents and look for other sources of inspiration. It can bring peace of mind to have a trusted adult help them learn skills to deal with anxiety, depression, self-esteem, and on-the-spot choices in less than ideal social situations.
2.Therapy can provide a safe place where teens can unleash the pressure from every day life with someone who cares but is emotionally removed (e.g. it is hard for parents to disengage from their emotions and start asking questions in an even tone of voice when their honor student tells them s/he is dropping out of school).
In conclusion, you don’t need to wait for something bad, scary, or heartbreaking to happen before you reach out for help. We take kids to the pediatrician every year for a check-up; why not ensure kids have the coping skills they need to deal with the ups and downs of life, which can be especially hard on teens? There are many great clinicians who are ready to help you and your family. I always recommend you make sure they are licensed and specialize in your area of concern and/or age group. Psychologytoday.com can be a great resource, providing a list of therapists in your area, with credentials and areas of specialty. Most offer a free phone consultation so you can chat before going in for an appointment.
I hope this information is helpful, informative, and supportive. Parents have such an incredibly important and challenging job. They deserve all the support they can get!
If you ever have any questions about therapy, the process or need a referral, please reach out. I’m passionate about providing education and support!