The positive, possibly life changing, effects of accountability
Throughout my years in practice, I’ve heard many parents comment that their kids “just don’t think” before they act. Which, in some ways, is scientifically accurate. * The teen brain is geared towards receiving immediate rewards and it tends to minimize consequences. For example, let’s look at texting while driving; for many kids (and even quite a few adults) the temptation to view and respond to a text is valued more than the consequences of distracted driving. Now, everyone knows that when you are distracted while driving you may be involved in a car crash. However, in the moment and because they have not experienced that consequence before, the text takes precedence. A big factor here is having never experienced that significant of a consequence before. Had a teenager crashed their car and hurt someone else, hurt themselves, or had to pay for damages to personal property, then that consequence would stand out the next time they went to text and drive.
Of course, we all hope that no teenager learns a lesson by crashing his or her car. However, one way parents are able to help their children make good decisions is by implementing immediate, natural consequences for negative behavior. If you find out your child stole something from a store, they should have to return it and apologize. If your child bullies another child, they should own up to their behavior and apologize. Consequences like these may embarrass our children in the moment but the lesson will likely stick with them for quite some time.
Everyone makes mistakes, mistakes do not make a bad person. In fact, one of my favorite quotes comes from George Bernard Shaw, “success does not consist in never making mistakes, but in never making the same one a second time”. Let’s teach our children to accept they will make mistakes, there will likely be some sort of consequence for a mistake, a consequence which may make them uncomfortable. However, as previously mentioned in a prior post, we can all learn something from discomfort. It can help us develop inner strength but it may also trigger our brain to stop speeding towards the rewards and remember the consequence.
If you ever have any questions about therapy, the process or need a referral, please reach out. I’m passionate about providing education and support!
*Packard, E. (2007, April). That Teenage Feeling: Harvard Researchers May Have Found Biological Clues To Quirky Adolescent Behavior. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/monitor/apr07/teenage.aspx